This can't be the end!

[Barry]

Hi Lisa, Thanks for the response.

Honestly, I do take every post in the spirit in which they are written. I know everyone is only offering good advice in as much as trying to ensure that I'm prepared for the possibility that an OM is already present, or there is one on the horizon. I get it and I won't lie, I'm not mentally prepared for that.

The "going with my gut" part is really relating to me moving out and not making/letting her go when she is the WAS. I do think that's the right thing to do for us right now, but believe you me, if anything does surface there will be changes to the current set-up. I'm obviously going to may the mortgage on a house I'm not living in for her and her OM to use as a love nest!

As you say, I'm not going to obsess over an OM..obviously the thought is there - particularly about one on the horizon, near or far. At the end of the day, there's only a few circumstances in UK law by which you can D and most don't fit with us (unless we want to make something up). We'd have to be separated for 2 years and then both agree to D at that. The chances are obviously enormous that she will have met someone else long before that so I kind of know it's only a matter of time the longer this goes on.

Like I said though, as it stands, I believe her and although she's broke my heart twice now with this, I owe it to her when she says there is no one else. We've been together all our adult lives and I have to believe she's still in there somewhere at the moment. It's not that I don't think she's capable of lying (or at the least, withholding the truth), or being a *****, it's more the already cheating part I can't (or yes, I admit..don't want to) believe.

I suppose what hurts the most more than anything is that it all comes down to the fact that the love balance between us is one sided. I'm going through this for the second time in less than a year now but I won't give up on her completely.
I wouldn't be here if that were the case.

It just hurts me to the core that she is just ready to throw our M away like this and not fight for it like I am.
I understand how we've got here, but will we get a chance to start again, that's unclear.

Yes, it may well be that we've been living in an unhealthy co-dependant relationship, in fact, now I write that out and read it back, that is true. To be fair, most of that is down to me.
It obviously never used to be that way, it's just evolved over time and turned into a wedge driving us apart.

I think that's why I'm finding the detaching so difficult (she's not), although I am really trying. Even if we do get to work on the R, I need to keep a sense of detachment alive as I don't feel like an individual either, just half of a pair. This is what she's tired of, I can tell.

I totally get it with the GAL activities, and I've actually quite enjoyed a few evenings with friends in the last week. As I say, I'll continue with that even if it's just to keep me sane! I'm working on a list of goals (short, mid, and long term) which I aim to stick to no matter what the outcome of all this.

I will be leaving her alone and backing off now. I can't affect her thinking, I've really told her everything that I feel and what I want. If she wants to close the chapter on our current marriage, but start a new one with me again, that's great. If she wants to move on at some point without me, I know I have to let her go despite my desires.

What I do know if that happens is that she'll wake up one day, maybe 5 months, or 5 years down the line and regret letting go of the man who would have done anything for her.

Barry.