Hi Barry, sorry that you find yourself here, but you are amongst friends. We get it.
Train's advice is spot on.
Also I want to add something you will not like to read. With your "I hear you but I'm going with my gut" you sound like nearly every other newbie poster on here who just thinks their situation is different. That their spouse would never cheat, would never lie, would never be a complete a-hole. Sadly almost all of us find out that the situation actually gets worse than we could imagine.
I'm not saying your wife is cheating for certain or that you should obsess about that and go look for clues. And I am sure no one else is recommending that either. But listen to the advice of the wise people on here. And I'd say even if you don't agree, try to follow their advice. They know. They have been through it and they have seen others go through it.
When I first arrived on these boards 6+ months ago I said "my husband is so moody, I think he is under a lot of stress at work, please help!" Guess what Barry? He was in love with his coworker. That was his stress at work. How to get rid of me and get in her pants was causing him stress. Ha! Joke's on me for being understanding of him because of his high stress job, and those late hours at the office where I offered to make him dinner and bring it to him... you get what I am saying.
Don't obsess about her possible affairs, but don't put your head in the sand either. You need to GAL and focus on yourself and be strong. Take the advice of the people on here. Read HP's thread. Lots of great advice on there.
If she is having an A or not is not really the point. It sounds like she wants you to leave her alone. I suggest you back off and go quiet. Focus on you and making your life what you want. It's VERY HARD but that is what you need to focus on as much as you can.
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.