Hi Theoden,

I really do appreciate all and any advice posted, even if it's not particularly palatable or doesn't fit in with what "I think" is my sitch. Ultimately, that's why I came here. I know I need a 2 x 4 sometimes as much as a figurative "shoulder to cry on".

Regarding the issue of an OM (which is what a lot of Train's advice was referring to...again, I'm not saying it wasn't good advice Train!!). In reading many of the threads here, it's obvious that there are lots of people within the forum who have experienced all the pain that this causes and I can see that there's a common denominator of there being an OM/OW in a lot of cases.
However, as it stands there's no evidence of that so I have to stop creating a problem that may not exist for my own sanity.
If it ever turns out I was wrong, I'll have to try and deal with the problem then. I can't really do anything else on that front!

I know I went against the LRT rules in texting / seeing her. I just didn't realise how hard it would be. I may come across as a wuss or a soft touch or whatever term to some people..I assure you I'm not, I'm just struggling to adopt the DB principles and apply them into my daily life...I will persevere though. I know it's early days and she needs time to miss me, as you say...long haul.

I realise that most people on here, and most people I talk to about me having moved out think the same thing, that I've done it wrong and I should have let her go (facing consequences etc). The only problem with that is that's not what I feel is right in my gut. I honestly do appreciate all advice, but if I went by what everyone else said (even if the advice is from people who have "been there and done it"), and ignored my own decision and it turned out wrong, I would be saying to myself then.."I knew I should have listened to my gut".
If it goes wrong like this, at least it is purely my decision to rue.

I agree with you that the positive changes, detaching, GAL, all needs to be for me. It's obviously dificult when all I want is my family back..I don't want to move on, although I know I have to if there is ever to be a chance for reconciliation.
I am honestly trying hard to detach though. I have quite the full diary over the next two weeks, which she knows nothing about.

What you're saying about the piecing is absolutly correct. I did a lot of this last year in our previous troubled time (trying to make positive changes, but then I focused ALL my attention on US, and very little on ME which is what she (and I) needed me to do), but she didn't change much or work on her issues. She's not much of a talker which is one of the main problems we have. Although things improved, the underlying issues weren't addressed. What I'm hoping to happen is that over the coming weeks / months, she will decide that she's made a mistake and that she does want to work on things. I don't want to just smooth it all over though and be (or feel) in danger of this happening again. I did have the "walking on eggshells" period last year. I've already decided on some things that I will and wont accept in our marriage, and if she wants to work it out, these will be a pre-requisite.
As much as I love her, and want to get our lives back on track, I refuse to be a doormat again.

As it is, I am re-commited to LRT now.
I am contacting kids daily as usual etc and they come to see me regularly. Right now, it's me and them I'm trying to think of.

She still creeps in though!

Barry.


Me 40 W 38
T 23 M 21
S21 S19 D16 S14
BD 19/12/2014
D mentioned 27/2/2015.
I filed 08/04/2015, D Absolute 04/11/2015