Barry,

Train has given you some excellent advice. Listen to her.

Yes, go see the lawyer.

I think you should re-visit the Last Resort Technique.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/blog/how-to-prevent-a-divorce-the-last-resort-technique/

Checking the temperature of the relationship is a form of pursuit/chasing. Generally not a good idea.

It take a while for her to miss you. It takes a while for her to sense you are moving on.

Since you aren't really into making her face the consequences for her actions, then you will need to really find yourself and try to build a good life on your own, living apart from her, and hope she notices. This is a long haul deal.

On the positive side, you get your own space, your own "world" and can really get centered, etc. Easier said than done, but that's all you can so right now. This needs to be done without the pining look back at your wife to see if she notices. This needs to be done without checking in with her and measuring her emotional temperature. This needs to be done AS IF you are moving on and planning for a life without her. Skip the AS IF, and go on and start planning for a life without her. She's planning for a life without you. She was ready to move out. Now that you've moved out, take the lead and try to find your true "inner samurai".

I'm going to issue a warning shot, if you plan on winning her back by becoming super-Barry, keep in mind, if and when she wants to reconcile, you can't make your "piecing" stage as easy for her as you made your divorce-busting. People appreciate what is hard-won. You moving out, becoming, super-Barry, attracting your wife back it all 100% YOUR effort. She's invested nothing. She gets to screw up your family, put you through hell, and as a reward, she gets a new and improved Barry. If Pavlov was right about stimulus and response, you have re-enforced this entitlement mindset she has that she deserves better and all she has to do is threaten your marriage and leave in order to get you to perform and become a better husband. This also means the rest of your marriage is going to be one repeat performance of you walking on egg-shells to appease your wife and make her happy. And what happens if you slip? Well, then all she has to do is threaten to move out again. Heck, next time she can have an affair (if she isn't having one now).

So...if you are able to win her back without making her face the consequences of her actions, you will need to address those in your PIECING stage, which is a whole different process. In that stage she apologizes, she works hard, she addresses her own issues, etc.

Best of Luck,

Theoden