Ok, so I've decided not to think about there being an OM. It serves no purpose but to make me feel like crap and I can't focus on myself if that's the case. If it ever turns out there is one, I'll deal with that then, but not when he's only a fictitious character in my head. I still don't believe there actually is one anyway, I just think the W has got to a point in here life where she isn't sure if she wants to be in ANY R, and feels like she's lost her identity as a person rather than as a wife and mother. Only she can figure out what she wants.
I still believe I've done, and am doing the right thing in me moving out whilst we are S and need to use the gift of time wisely to sort myself out, for me and my kids. If in doing that, my W sees the man she's loved for many years returning and wants to give in a shot (or more of a fresh start), then great, I'll embrace that and see where it leads. If she doesn't, I can't control that and although it's not what I want, I'll more than likely be in a better place to deal with it. I'm sure the pain will still be intense, it wouldn't be worth trying at all if I didn't love her so much.
I saw an old friend last night, who has also had a tough time during his life with relationships although the circumstances are very different to mine. He got me to lay it all bare to him, right from the start and asked all the right questions at the right times to really make me think about things more clearly. He's missed his calling in life, he should be a councillor!! He is also looking to GAL a bit more too so we've arranged a few things which is really going to help me.
I woke this morning for the first time since BD feeling a lot more confident about how this is all going to pan out, but also in a moment of clarity, realised that I'm actually going to be ok no matter which way it goes.
I'm sure I'm on a long and rocky road, but long may this feeling continue.
Me 40 W 38 T 23 M 21 S21 S19 D16 S14 BD 19/12/2014 D mentioned 27/2/2015. I filed 08/04/2015, D Absolute 04/11/2015