Paul - I missed your post somehow but thank you for that insight.
I always welcome everyones opinions, advice, insight etc.
If you want me to be honest - I have no clue how that looks. The only way I know to work on that is to STFU. I should focus myself on other things. For example - H going back to his old job gives me a ton of fear and anxiety, his boss owing me that amount of money gives me anxiety and fear that I won't get the money returned. So in respect to the money issue - I brought it up once a week to H asking about it. Thinking he knew more than me and just didn't want to tell me.
I from now on have left it be. After texting about it with the bookeeper I haven't mentioned it. H told me himself he and his boss were supposed to be talking about it today. So my hope is that if I leave things be H will come to me about it. That has not always been the case in the past but I just have to hope for the best. I can't change anything about either situation but I can change the way I deal with it.
Me letting go = less stress/fear/anxiety which in turn leaves me not bugging H about it which would (I would think) decrease H's stress because he's not feeling pushed by me.
Now just to figure out how to get there! C said I am very logistic and can see things through steps very well but that H can't. I want him to see things logically the way I see them and I just want a solution - H can't do that right now. We have to figure out a compromise.
I guess I should also be clear without sounding like negative nancy. I am in no way excusing any of my H's behavior. I do not believe my actions entirely lead him to behaving how he is. I contributed sure, and I could have been better but I believe eventually this would have all caught up to him no matter what. I am truly trying to be the best me. A person only a fool would leave, a person that can lead a happy life and a person that can recognize and own their faults and move forward. I hope my H will be by my side but these changes are not for him they are for me - to be a better person, mother and wife