Hi Barry

firstly, sorry that you find yourself here but know its the best place you can be. You'll find a terrific bunch of people on this forum. You'll get great advice and sometimes you'll get a well needed 2x4 (I speak from experience). Read, post, listen, read again and keep posting.

Pop over to my thread for my full background generally though I've been where you are right now. In my case no evidence of OM still none, is there one? Don't think so but if there is W is hiding him in the attic, is she thinking about getting one? I don't know but she shows no signs of it.

Dont worry about you getting back into shape etc to date, way too early for you to be worrying about that regardless of the outcome of your sitch. Work on you, look back at what issues you brought to the R or you want to change for you or the kids and focus on those first and foremost. Also dont worry about what is in your w's mind, it will drive you mad and you cant change anything in there so dont try, work on you.

So.. the first thing you should do is get yourself stabilised. Feeling broken is understandable, I felt like that for a month solid then slightly less and so on.

You need to detach, a word you will hear again and again and then again then you'll hear it again.

This doesnt mean giving up, not caring, not loving her, not wanting to be back together or the 100 other things you will tell yourself as to why you're not detaching. It means you will do all of the above but you wont make drawing every breath in your day about missing her.

I understand you want her back and the heartache that brings you let alone your worry for the kids feelings, I want my W back and my family under one roof again but not the same as it was just before BD though (I assume you've caught up with all the abreviations theres a thread in newcomers on them - there are a lot!)

I may have not caught it yet, but did you read DB / DR yet? You'll get far more out of the forums if you do and they are very useful if you are stuck in your mind about something.

I'll read more on your sitch and post back later.

Breathe, relax, try to get into the GAL mind set and work out what 180s you'll put in place for *you* and the kids, dont do any of this with the intention of impressing your w or with thoughts on dating but simply for you and them, if w is to come back it wont be on your timescale this is a marathon.

Take it easy.

A quick edit, if you can see a counsellor (doesnt have to be a db one although you can do that over the phone) it helps, a lot, even if you go by yourself, or on the phone. You will find a lot more about you and about how you got here by doing so, thats the first step before you can get moving onward. Havent seen where you are yet and your location isnt showing on the side panel?


Last edited by edz; 01/16/15 01:33 PM.

M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015