Originally Posted By: Train
Doh! Just remembered my lost thought ...

You mention that H may see your new-and-improved attitude and suspect something or be mad ...

Yeah. That's a good point. Except you're going to be being friendly/a-little-more-than-neighborly to him (for now). That's where those random, sporadic, every-once-in-a-while, no-expectations-attached texts come in.

He's obviously going to question your motives at first. That's ok. This really isn't supposed to be about him. And THAT is where your CONSISTENCY comes into play. You can't drop this "new T" if H comes back around. (You've now learned this the hard way.) Find what's genuine and authentic to you ... the T you need to be for YOU, whether you're M to him or not. You are the cake. He is the frosting.

Also consider: We're not wired like men. We analyze and over-think and over-talk and over-worry. He's driven a lot by desire and impulse and competition. And his penis. So if you walk out of a bathroom with a new 'do and with - whoops - new lingerie ... and smelling like a million dollars ... and smiling and happy and FUN ... I seriously doubt he's going to spend much time trying to figure out your motives.

I'm no man - maybe another could weigh in here on that. But that's just my .02.

But here's the thing: please try to remember this is all for YOU ... to boost YOUR PMA. To make YOU feel better about YOU. Watch pouty-H take one glimpse at you and then rumble-grumble at you going out. That one glimpse is where it's at. That's YOUR money-shot. Forget the rumble-grumble. And go ye forth and be bada$s. And have a GREAT time with your girls!

Just weighing in with a man's POV. I really like that you are making changes for you and going out to enjoy time with friends. Be inviting with H too. The idea of seeing you enjoy your life and that you hope he'll be a part of that life too (but you still going out to enjoy yourself with friend in the meantime).

I would simply caution that men are not as driven or motivated by sec as you might think (implied somewhat above). We tend to seek out closeness and sex helps us do that with our mate. The cosmic irony is that it appears that females are wired the opposite. They also seek closeness but seek that emotional closeness BEFORE enjoying sexton with their mate. Notice I left the word NEED out of each version. I think the happier couples learn to compromise and meet each other along the way....a good H should pay more attention to his W emotional needs to get more fulfilling sexton and a good W should perhaps display a bit more carnality With her H . My 2 cents. Good luck and have fun!!

me: 47, W:49
M 16.5 years
T 17 years
Three kids - D17,D14, S13
Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13
Bomb drop 11/29/13
W moved out 12/5/13
I Retained L 2/20/14
D filed 3/17/14