Weird - wouldn't you say? - that H says he didn't approve of you dolling-up and going out with friends pre-BD ... but that's exactly what built your confidence later and - ummm - re-attracted him to you. He probably didn't like you doing that because HE was (obviously) the one with a wandering eye. Tsk, tsk. That danged projecting guilty conscience. And, hey, you know, if he had "TIME" to take his W on a date, then you'd be dolling up for HIM. That knife cuts both ways.
I like the way you sound here, baby. I like it a.lot. A lot lot!
Sex? That's a personal decision. (And - puhleeze - certainly not TMI for me or these M-related boards; sex is a fundamental, necessary, CRUCIAL part of M.) I'm not going to advise you on that one, though. Someone more convicted in their stance might come along to do it. IF there are no indications of an A, and IF H initiates it (because don't be surprised if he does after you've shown CONSISTENTLY that you are moving along with your life and would LOVE for him to go on the ride with you ... but won't stay at home, holding your breath, for him to do so ...), all I can say is that if it were me, I'd jump on it in a New York minute. But with no expectations. It'd be for ME. And it'd give me one more mutually-beneficial opportunity to show him what he's missing. (And I'd make dang sure it's mutually-beneficial. Sorry not sorry.) Women usually have sex AFTER a man has met her emotional needs of affection and intimate conversation; that's because we tend to equate sex with love/emotion. THAT, IMO, is where you need to watch it. Men have sex because they have a physical need - NEED - for it. So most times, it's the woman who would walk away from sex feeling empty and used if the man she just had sex with hadn't fulfilled her needs ... or doesn't fulfill them later. In your case? That man is your H. And you're already emotionally invested. Drop your expectations, and what do you really stand to lose? PLEASE make sure before you would do it that H is absolutely NOT involved in an A. You CAN find this out if you want to. If this is about you - and it IS - then protect your health FIRST AND FOREMOST. You know this. (Crap, I had another REALLY relevant point to make here that addressed something you wrote, and I just blanked ... twice. I'll re-read your post and see if it doesn't pop back into my brain.)
Again, think of yourself as the OW. She is not always available. (I know that's hard while you're living with him.) She doesn't talk about responsibilities or depressing things. She winks. She flirts. She strokes his ego. (I'm not saying you need to go THAT far right now, but you're getting the picture, right?) His attention on her makes her pay attention to HERSELF. She feels sexy. Wanted.
Here's the challenge: H ain't makin' you feel that way right now. So the challenge, my dear, is YOURS. Make YOURSELF feel that way.
How empowering is that?!? And how powerful that you can pull that out in YOURSELF (when it took a man to pull it out of OW.) You don't need a man! You're comfortable in your own d@mn skin! You know you're amazing. You know you're strong. You know you're capable. You know you're a professional. Honey, you're the total package. You'd knock the socks off ANY man. And deep down? You KNOW it.
Now go ACT like it.
Woohoo! I'm so happy right now! I just love to hear the fire in you, T. You're coming back!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014