Basically - and even though we have a bad taste in our mouths about OW - I'm suggesting that in your mind, you become sorta an "OW" to H: Seductive but not available. Confident. Your best you. Flirty at times. But unavailable. Mysterious. And did I mention largely unavailable??
Wonka gave me that advice once when H was still in an active A: "Be the OW to the OW." And, wowza! It WORKED! My H couldn't keep his chin off the floor. But it's because I was happy, friendly, light, breezy, seductive - but not for HIM!! In fact, I was unavailable to him. This is what H said "did it" for him.
Reclaim that beautiful girl power. I know your H may not be in an A again. But THOSE sorts of rules are the same. If you can, re-read (or at least thoroughly skim) DR with a pair of "non-A-tainted" eyeballs. MWD's advice is MOSTLY for people in a sitch like yours NOW (no A). At the top of her list: no R talks. Now is NOT the time for discussions, IMO. Your M is simply too fragile. And H is pulling away.
No R talks. If you are thinking of YOU right now, then there's nothing H has that you're depending on to move forward in life. Nothing to be discussed right now. Don't drag yourself down with that stuff. Not right now.
Okay. That's all I got for now. xo
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014