Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Originally Posted By: T0324
I'm sitting in the waiting room about to lose it. H is here. Didn't sau a word to me. Do I STFU during C and let him talk??

Hey, this is just off the top of my head, okay?

But what's there to lose, by listening? See it as a reconnaissance mission, in which you are seeking as much information as possible.

At this point, I can't see any harm in you doing that. IF you NEED to tell him off,

Why make that today's task?

You really can tell him off, later. BUT you can't take it back later...

If you are pressed for answers from him (unlikely I'd think)

you can answer how you FEEL, and stress the sad parts, way more than the anger piece. I see No benefit to you showing him your anger.

If you want to act as if you have had that big awakening ("oh, H, No problem, WE will all be fine, thanks!"--) then go for it!

I mean sure I can see doing that. If you want to be authentic but also effective,

I'd either wait to PROCESS all that he's telling you (a legitimately time consuming exercise!!)

AND OR express "disappointment" that he still seems unable to

see your family and marriage, as the loving people/entity that you all are. (Believe that and let it radiate from within. Truly!)

If true, then at some point, you can make it clear

that you need to move forward in your "journey", to create the fulfilling life you and your children deserve...

Let him see what you see in the big picture... Meaning, that you actually pity him, b/c you know that it won't be long til his life alone or with nobodies, reveals itself to be a hollow existence.

Contrasting that^^ with what you are creating for you and yours...

It speaks for itself.

(((( ))))

Thank you - and that's what I did. When we first walked in the C said so I know you're not here just to drop by and say hi ... So what's been going on and he looked at me and I stayed quiet to let H start it off. I let him lead everything. I didn't cut him off like I had before BD. I didn't argue, I wasnt mean. The C said he can feel my anger -- he told H he knows I am not an angry person but that I am angry because H is/has hurt me

I figured I have plenty of time to let him have it IF things go sour... But I don't have any intention to add fuel to the fire. I am trying to learn the best way to communicate with my H to meet my needs/wants. From what I KNOW already - that is not by lashing out of even being pushy

M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14