Yes, I agree that it's very difficult to make positive changes just for me when feeling as though the bottom has dropped out of my world BUT it was negativity that got me into this, so positivity seems the only way out of it. I am making attempts to remain upbeat and take care of myself. It doesn't help that I don't have a huge circle of friends. I do have friends, just not many that i'm close enough to. I think that's part of the big problem for her because when we first met (many years ago admittedly) i was a very popular person with lots of friends. She actually did the chasing to date me so she obviously saw that as an attractive trait. I am struggling to find ways to make new friends although I am trying to...and that really IS for me! I'm also trying to get hold of some old ones too.
I read the LRT link (thanks) and am doing my best to adopt this way of thinking and acting. It's going to be difficult because I have to say that (as un-manly as it sounds), I've always worn my heart on my sleeve a bit. This is one trait that definatly needs changing...even if just to protect myself a bit more.
I will say that the more I think about the moving out, I'm not sure if it was totally the right thing to do. I obviously miss being at home with my children as well as my wife but it just felt like the right thing to do for them all. Probably not for me though to be fair. You're right in that she is facing NO consequences at the moment apart from me not being there...which is what she wants. I'm told that she is acting like nothing has happened..I'm beginning to wonder if she may be a little crazy!! I couldn't use any of my children failing at school as a way to "send a message" to my wife though, that would be totally wrong.
I could easily get her to move out, by turning up there with all my stuff and moving back in...she'd most likely be gone within the hour, but I still have doubts that it's in the marriage's or my children's best interests if not neccasarily either hers or mine as individuals. I would be interested in other opinions on this.
Financially, we have already split the bank account. We're both paying various things whilst separated.
I'm not actually waiting to be let back home as such. To be fair she forced my hand in accepting a separation but I've already told her that what I personally think we should do during it is to have some time apart to reflect on what's happening and how best to move forward is we BOTH decide to reconcile. If she called me right now and said "come home", as much as I'd want to, I'd have to decline the offer as we need to do it right this time around if we're to stand a chance.
I refuse to believe that she thinks that we're somehow incompatible...surely you don't spend 20 years with someone if that's even remotely the case??
Me 40 W 38 T 23 M 21 S21 S19 D16 S14 BD 19/12/2014 D mentioned 27/2/2015. I filed 08/04/2015, D Absolute 04/11/2015