Originally Posted By: T0324
I know what I need to do. It just [censored]!

So no initiating conversation, happy and pleasant. Make my own plans this weekend.


No family time unless he initiates?

Yes, but please, have zero expectations that this^^ will happen. I mean, you are sort of getting ahead of yourself here. Lose those expectations and then you won't be disappointed.

What, if anything, are you willing to do to verify if an OW is happening, or are you okay with staying quiet on that, for now?

I'm sensing indecision on your end (totally understandable!) but we need to know what you want, in order to best advise.

Even then I don't want to have family time while he is pursuing another his ex job and potential OW

I will be making plans for the boys and I this weekend.

"Family time"...

Denying him that won't help, (but I don't think this is a problem, b/c I don't see him making plans for "family time", do you?)

You want to contrast the life he is creating for himself, (miserable, lonely, in someone else's home, etc)

with the warm & loving life YOU and your kids have in your home...

By "contrast", I don't mean pursuit here^^...just you living your life well.

What GAL are you doing now, btw? it's a bigger ingredient to success and plain old feeling good, than you may realize.

In fact you probably think "GAL is the LAST thing I feel like doing now! I'm hurting!"

I get that. But we harp on GAL for one reason; it works.

It SO helps to detach and once detached, this^^ all gets easier.

When we were living in Alaska, I did the following things to GAL.

*I saw a T, which helped.

*Worked out 3 x a week and got in the best shape I'd been in, for years.

Since we'd had our last child there, I had to lose the baby weight anyhow.

(And looking our best always has some PMA to it. Maybe it's endorphins + ego, but it helps).

*Joined a writer's club.

*Edited a book (it became a best seller. Who knew?)

*Took a class in Italian cooking, and then one in Conversational French.

*Learned how to target shoot, deep sea fish & hunt big game (bucket list for me).

*Took flying lessons and got my pilot's license (also a bucket list for me).

*Greatly improved as a skiier, and learned to snowmobile (or "ride a snow machine" as they say up there).

*Auditioned for community theater and other productions; then got cast.
(Nothing like rehearsing or being in front of a live audience, to keep your mind OFF your spouse).

There, I met creative FUN people, none of whom knew my situation, which helped.

*Tried Stand up comedy, & I still do it. (I once did a whole set on MLCs at the Hollywood Comedy Store. There sure must be a lot of those people around, b/c the audience seemed to connect a lot with that set).

*Volunteered at a Battered Women's Shelter (yes, gratitude for your life WILL occur)

*Was on the Bd of Directors for the state's Wrestling Club, & the Girls Softball club (both older kids were on teams then).

*I took a pottery class (very different for me, but a good stretch)

*Joined the Officer Wives' Club, after 15 years of H being active duty (and my being a veteran myself).

Man, I sure wish I'd joined that sooner. I met 2 women there who saved me from being way too depressed, and whose friendships were/are vital to me.
*I went skydiving, (LOVED it! Yes, it was a bucket list item for me)

btw, last time I went skydiving, H joined me, (a 180 for him)

Notice that except for the skydiving/pilot's training, almost all these ^^ activities are free or cheap.

Later on, I planned and went on a trip to Italy, with the 3 kids. (I did not want our anniversary to be another body blow to my ego, so I did what I would have liked to do with h, with my kids instead.) Best trip I'd ever been on.

The trip was a real challenge for me to do without h. I admit I had some fears b/c at the time, our youngest was 9.

But once there, and having fun, I realized that like MANY military families, one learns to have fun and bond and grow, with or without the other parent there.

Families can be close and loving, even when one party is absent...the trip validated that and empowered me, a great deal. The first trip I planned was a short ski trip about 3 hours away. That got me and the kids used to the idea of having fun, with or without h.

As I said, GAL is key to Detachment. Both GAL & Detachment, will help you heal.

We are all rooting for you and sending you peace, light & love.

Keep on keeping on, T0. You've got this.

M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
I File D 10/16
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

Embrace the Change