Originally Posted By: Barry
Hello all
I'm new to this site, which I found the other day and which seems to be packed full of helpful advice and hopeful stories. So my story goes like this...sorry if it's too long!
We've been married for 20 years, both young when that happened - I'm 40 this year, she's 38, and both have been happy for nearly all of that time (both agreed on that point).
We have 4 children between 20 and 13. We've had problems in the last couple of years though which we really haven't worked on. No infidelity by either party (confident that is true). Never really argued much to speak of. Just lost the connection and spark.
Anyway, W gives me the ILYBNILWY talk in March 2014 and she said she wasn't sure she wanted to be married to me any more. As you know, this hits hard. At the time, I really didn't see it coming (more on this later). She asked for some space, which I intended to give her by staying with parents in the short term. What I actually did was went against every DB rule during that time!! I cried, begged, pleaded, hassled, texted..you name it, I did it! After 3 weeks, she gave in to my constant harassment as I see it now and I went home so we could work on R. Hard at first but better and better throughout the summer, great family holiday in August...then it all starts to go backwards.
As I see this happening over Sept, Oct, Nov..I get anxious, worried, depressed, suspicious and moody. This does not help the situation. Semi-major incident in Nov when I check her phone (I know, not good) and see a message from a mutual female friend which looked like possible OM on the scene. Turns out to be nothing (I believe this, but it did look bad!) but damage is done then as I confronted her with it etc. We did move on, but I then begin to realise that maybe most of these problems are actually my fault because I feel mentally lousy. I go to Dr to discuss depression that I've probably had for over a year, and anxiety stemming from previous experience in March.
I not only admitted this to myself, but also to my wife. 2 days later and 4 days before Xmas, she says she has no spark left and is leaving me. Devastated yet again. My daughter 16, goes with her, 3 sons stay at home with me for Xmas. Obviously worst Xmas ever!! She was going to get a flat with D16, but I've moved to parents again but on a longer basis (agreed on 3-6 month period) this time. Currently having no contact to give her space but she is saying that right now...it's over. I don't want that but she does.
Any advice welcome, I've read a fair bit on here already but need some support from people going through similar problems.


Brought over from the other thread


Me-67, D34,S33