Sometimes I feel like I take a step forward and then a few steps back with my control issues. Why can't I focus on the person or relationship rather than what is wrong? It's been 8 months since BD and I sometimes feel I am still at square one.
However, I have recently figured out one of my triggers - WAH and the R. If he says something cold or talks about D, it can push me into control mood and I get onto my kids about everything until I calm down. I guess this means I'm not quite detached.
I found it interesting that my IC said that this is the way I express emotion. One of my concerns was that maybe I was not being emotional enough over this sitch. I tend to keep my emotions in control and have an "it is what it is" attitude in front of others. I hadn't thought that maybe my desire to control was an emotional response. Some people curl up in a ball and cry when emotional. I might and I do still cry, but I tend to become more controlling. Maybe with this knowledge, it will help me in the future when the intense urge comes upon me. Looking back, I can see this response played out in various situations.
M:35 H:36 Married: 14yrs Kids: D7, S4, D1.5 BD: 4/14 Mentioned Divorce: 5/14 Moved out 6/14 OW confirmed: 9/14 Wants to move forward with D 11/14