WRT the length of the phone call... I get being frustrated at the WAS's stellar parenting, but... Tonight I called my kids while they were at H's house. They had nothing to say, so I told them I loved them and wanted them to know it, and then I let them go back to what they were doing. Just making a small effort is important. As much as your S is hurting right now, it's not in his interests to drag out connection with his mom beyond the minimum he's willing to make. It highlights how abnormal things are, and makes him feel even less in control.

I'd like to suggest you make a deal with him about his minimum quota of mom-contact, give him power to control it within that limit, and then release your expectations beyond that. Just monitor to make sure he's doing the minimum agreed on -- maybe even talk about it in adult terms, as the importance of tending to his relationships and taking responsibility for his share -- and then carry on with your life.

You've taken on a lot of change in a short amount of time. But I'm concerned about the amount of self-medicating you report. What kind of support are you getting for that?


Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.