Originally Posted By: HPoirot

The main things, then, are being more emotionally available, less self centered, more empathic, more supportive, and more courageous in the face of my Ws hard and sad emotions. My W wants to be seen and heard and valued. My W wants someone she can feel proud of... so someone who is happy with and proud of himself. Someone not angry, sad, introverted. Someone attractive.

I see how I haven't been those things for years.


HP, this is awesome that you have continued to focus on these things. You're last line, "someone attractive" hit it on the head. It is great to identify things that you started slacking in, and I know this isn't the first time you've reached these conclusions. But it is always good to continue to reinforce what you could have done better, and what you failed in, because as we both know, at the end of the day, the only person we can control is ourselves.

Originally Posted By: HPoirot

So... plans to get there...

1. Be a great dad to S11
2. Continue with IC 2x per week to grow my inner strength and happiness.
3. Listen to my W if she talks about her hard truths about our M
4. Get out of the house on Fridays to do Tango class
5. Sign up for the acting class and take it.
6. Restart my side business and make it work everyday
7. Take interest in my job and focus on it 7 hours a day
8. Reconsidered the gym... may join a Crossfit gym to take the guesswork out
9. Restart my volunteering with teaching young people how to program computers
10. Take at least 3 trips this year.
11. Buy new clothes
12. Buy a Cadillac
13. Maybe buy a nice little home near my son's school.


Glad you have a plan and a course of action to get to where you want to be. Sounds like you have a lot of plans to GAL for both yourself and with S11. Also sounds like its very broad, focusing on you by doing acting classes/new clothes/gym, and also selflessness by volunteering. This will make you a better person, a much more well-rounded person, the HP that you were and can become again. Side note, cross fit would be great. I don't want to be "that guy" to advertise CF but it will quickly give you a group of people that you can bond with, that its not just you working out by yourself in a gym. It will help you meet new people, new friends.

Originally Posted By: HPoirot

Wow... I really want to call my W. So stupid.


This isn't stupid HP. This is normal. We all have the urge to text or call W at random times throughout the day. Sometimes we can, sometimes we cant, depends on where relationship is with W. For you, if you are truly focusing on you and doing NC, then yes, probably not a good idea to call W. But like so many people have said over and over, I would also encourage that when you do have contact with W, you are friendlier, not so short or borderline antagonistic. Be that friendly neighbor.

Just my thoughts


ME: 28
W: 24
M: 2.5yrs
T: 5yrs
BD: 22 SEP 14
W Leaves: 5 OCT 14