Thank you Vanilla. I struggle with W not knowing or seemingly ignoring S11's feelings.

Before S11 was really W's everything. She tried hard to be a great mom... read all kinds of books on ADD... Was the lead in parent programs at his school... drove him everywhere... cried a lot over him. I did see how she got buried under all that, wanted more help on the hard stuff from me, and felt not at all like a woman dealing with it all. She would say now and then that she was not a good mom.

Now she's not interested to do what's very best for him... just whatever will work so she can do what she's doing.

She has not contacted him since she dropped him off yesterday afternoon. Not even her usual good morning text. And S11 did not want to call her last night when I asked him to. I guess I should just let that continue.

I wanted this... to not hear from her at all... and now it's here. It's the way I get better and maybe the way S11 gets better too.

Today we went for a hike in the woods. Saw the cats which he really loves.

I had a real panic moment, though, when I lost sight of him and he didn't respond to my yelling his name. We we're all alone in the woods... and for a few seconds I really thought he had been taken. I was running and yelling his name. He had gone off to find the cat he really likes. He didn't think to call back to me. Very very scary for me. That would have been too much.

This afternoon I thought we might go bowling... then go by the old house to do some packing. W may be there. If she is, it would be a good time to practice acting "as if" she's a neighbor that I don't really know. We'll see.

Onward.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014