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I know Wonka and Sandi and Starsky have this right... while my W is so so very wayward and disrespectful and lying, I can't do nice communications like this in response to her screaming curses at all. She only gets respectful and apologizes and seems to recognize that she is now completely unrecognizable when she goes over the top angry responding to me standing my ground and calling her sh!t stink. She's not proven to be someone I should be paying any attention to beyond S11 emergencies. I will not excuse her spew this morning and will give her the chance to examine why, as she says, she "did not recognize the woman" who cursed me while I was showing my son a wonderful morning.
Hold up a sec, HP.
I think there is a place between "wet noodle" and nasty-in-return to her spew. There was a discussion up thread about rewarding positive behavior. I think that answering friendly texts, and acknowledging her apologies is that. (I mean, sure she shouldn't go off on you...but isn't it better that she apologize than NOT??)
What if you just detached from the spew? Put on your spew jacket and remain calm and friendly in a *detached* way. I say "Hello" to my neighbors, I wish them a good day, but I don't really know anything about their lives, and vice versa. They are not my friends, but I can be friendly with them.
Don't push her buttons. (Answer questions about S11 clearly and succinctly), but ignore the misbehavior if it still happens (state your boundary clearly: "W, I will not engage in a conversation with you when you are screaming and cursing at me.") But being kind when she is also being kind, IMO, is not rewarding the bad behavior.