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When my H and I communicate about our D's schedule, I almost always start off with, "Hi H."
I think you are pushing her buttons. What might happen if you said, 'S11 and I are having a great time today, and have plans this afternoon. We agreed that you'd pick up S11 at 4 pm, and I'd like to stick to that. I am busy so I can't reply more at the moment."
I read your advice there and said to myself... "Yes, I can do nice. I'm a nice man. I can go back to being nice me from before and still do LRT."
So, after she picked up S11, she called. I let it go to VM. On her VM, she asked to keep S11 on his birthday... all day and night. Then I could have him for New Years Eve night.
Then, very soon after and as she's not content to wait for an answer, she sent me a text... "Can you listen to the VM I just left?"
I, of course, want to see my son on his birthday. I would also like to have new years eve so I can maybe GAL.
So I took your advice Claire and texted... "Hello W. How do you feel about me taking s11 to lunch on his birthday? Also can you please keep him New Year's Eve night? Thank you."
A big and kind 180.
Response... "Can we do lunch with him together? And yes I can do new years."
Lunch together. That would usually be an automatic no. But, now that I'm friendly HP, I sat to consider it.
A short ten minutes later I get a text... "I changed the calendar. You can do his birthday with him."
So she has given me his entire birthday with him and will keep him New Years Eve. She's going to miss his birthday now after missing Christmas with him.
Honestly, I really don't like writing so much about her. Since almost the beginning, I realized I have to write more about me and less about her. I don't let that happen by staying in her drama.
So, to stay out of her drama... I could just leave it like she wants. Let her not see her son on his birthday. Let that be acceptable in her new way of living her life. Not call her on it.
I want to say... "You're going to miss his birthday?" I want to say... "S11 didn't like that you didn't see him on Christmas."
I could invite her to lunch but I honestly don't care to sit and eat with her now. She knows that and likely that's why she offered the entire day after asking about lunch with her. On the other hand... she did call me an avoider. Doesn't matter what she thinks... she's not someone I care to see much less spend time with at the moment.
I feel like, once I get my attitude consistently here right, I will get the "as if" I'm detached look more than the "I'm too hurt and angry to look at your face" look.
So, what would James Bond do?
James Bond doesn't want the WAW as she's behaving. He ignores her asking if they can go to lunch together and doesn't offer the WAW to join him for lunch. He accepts the WAW's second offer of the entire birthday graciously with a "That would be fine WAW. Thank you." He doesn't rescue WAW from her choices. He shows S11 that he has is back.
That's it then.
I still hate this.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014