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There are people at whom we get upset, with some we're snappy, overly sweet, very patient, etc. It's not just about us: it's about them teaching us how to treat them. We sense that some things are not acceptable with them.
When you reward good behavior and punish bad behavior, people adapt. I think you're on the right track, HPoirot, but you need to fine tune it and by very very consistent. This adaptation comes in the larger context of 15 years of marriage so it will be very hard to re-train each other.
Ignore every inappropriate communication, but engage the good ones. Also, model good behavior: never raise your voice, curse or call her names. You'll show that you have standards ("what respectful man would accept to be called a mofo??") and that's attractive.
Do you think Dirty Harry would have listened to these voicemails? He'd have said something like "Knowing you were cursing at me, I deleted them." Try again if you want to reach me. That's strength.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.