You're a good and positive man Mozza. Yes my life has certainly changed and I'm sure all this will be good for me one day. But tonight I don't see hope for my W.

It's not just that I don't like her right now (I just saw her looking tired and miserable fake happiness and was able to just say hello and look at her eyes for 30 seconds), but she has shown herself to be capable of serious cruelty and infantile craziness. I seriously would have never imagined her acting like this.

I'm not at all sure I want this person back in my bed and future right now. I can do endlessly better than the person she is now. Once I really get past the hurt of the betrayal and humiliation she's trying to heap on me daily... once I'm really thinking clearly... then we'll see if this goes past 6 months.

I am inspired by Peter's sitch and other's here. It seems, though, those Hs held on to some love for their W even in the tough parts. But for me... my W, she's not beautiful right now. Not to me at least right now. Not at all attractive right now. I've seen sides of her I do not want to see ever again. Not sure it's worth the risk to work with her now. She looks bad. She behaves worse. Her fake smiles and forced crying are ugly.

Hmm... just writing that makes the pain go away a little. Maybe I'll start making lists of all the things I didn't and now really don't like about my W. To remember why I imagined a life away from her. Why she's not in my dreams. What I found irritating about her on a daily basis. I know I can be better and I will get better. But will she? She asked me last night... "Why would you want me?" Why would I want you?

Good question.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014