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Your feelings are yours to own and you have every perfect right to them.
In my case, I was about 10 going 11 when my stepmother learned of my late father's OW and she initiated separation/D proceedings which were extremely painful for her. It was not too long before Christmas and I could feel the tension in the air a my father W's banned by FIL from setting a foot in their house (my grandparents). So I split Christmas between my parents and I wasn't harmed. Sure, I was sad but enjoyed gifts from both households.
Do what you feel is best for yourself. You've been through an emotional wringer. We will support whichever decision you make here, HP.