Well this was day #11. I feel stress and twitching around my eyes. A bit of a headache. I'm not fighting it, though.

Today, though very hard, could have still been a good day somehow. I'm in the thick of the forest so I likely can't see how. I'm working on faith now.

In my life, I've been very lucky. Good things have come my way completely out of the blue. So I got complacent... sleep walking through my life for many years. Now I'm fully awake. Yes it's extremely painful... but so much good has happened so far. So, I'm believing something good happened b/c of my experience today. If not for me... then for someone else.

Done right... this sitch is likely the best thing that has ever happened to me.

...

Now, something else has changed. S11 wants to spend the entire Christmas day with me here in the condo. I wish it was just me... maybe it is... but his HDTV and game system is here too so there you go. W, then, will apparently not see him on Christmas. She's given up her Christmas with her son.

DB coach Chuck suggested I do Christmas with my wife and S11. I didn't think I could do that then... and after the last 24 hours even less so.

But what if I did? I cringe thinking it... but what if I invited her here for the morning? My W in her A she won't give up?

I saw on NAJ's thread her W invited her to celebrate for the kids. Making it work. Good feelings. Why not?

I'm cringing even more. Why would I do this? My W is having an A.

I had an A. I know the loneliness that caused it. I told lies for it. Rationalized it. Felt joy from it. Still fondly remember it. I've even started talking with my OW again.

Am I really considering this?

I can't do this.

Oh God should I do this?

I can't do this.

Last edited by HPoirot; 12/24/14 09:58 PM.

Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014