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Not a vet, but IMHO anything you do that involves your WAW taking up any time, space, energy, or room in your head is a step I the wrong direction.
Truth darts, firm boundaries, managing your tone to be friendly or distant, all of it seems designed to try to lead her through her WAW process wih the hopes of getting her to snap out of it and come back. The reason it doesn't work is 1) you can't change someone else, and 2) it keeps you attached to her to the point that you end up stumbling into R talks or arguments. Each day becomes a big battle you have to fight through, trying to do everything exactly right. I get it. I did the same thing. It did nothing positive for me.
The last few months I've been really detached. I don't worry about what she's doing or what she thinks of me. I understand that she will act with criticism, resentment, disdain, etc. I know that I've done things that caused her pain and that out M wasn't a paradise so I feel compassion for get emotions, but I also know im a great man and have no desire to be attached to this person.
As for the R, it is over. I am a single man and making the most of it. I am being a good dad, doing well in my new job, and enjoying my hobbies and friends. Personally I don't believe my WAW is going to ever open a door to me again, and I really don't know that I could ever partner again with the person she's turned out to be. But I don't worry about that anymore than I worry about whether I'd accept a role as a firefighter if Steven Spielberg wanted to cast me in some new blockbuster.
The reality is I'm a single man with a hurt, emotional, and shallow STBX that is dealing with my own issues as I move forward into my new life. Maybe ill have another R that fails. Maybe ill be single forever. Maybe ill build a great M. All way in the future. So ill just enjoy today because its nice out and I'm in a good mood.
Vets may agree or disagree. Good for them. I'm going to have lunch and watch a movie. Merry Christmas all!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15