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Just posting b/c had my first IC session. My good luck is holding...
Some advice first... if you're looking for an MC or IC that does Solution Focused Therapy, you can Google "Psychology Today Therapist search." The site lets you filter by Solution Focused Therapy.
I used that and found a wonderful IC 10 minutes up the street. She was aware of DB, understood my sitch immediately, understood how my W is addicted to out of control emotions, understood that the best and only thing I can do is detach and take care of S11.
So, that's our mission... to get me to really and truly and completely detach and get better ASAP. I told her about my 6 month plan and she agreed. Everything we talked about here... keeping minimum contact with W on just S11, taking care of myself, GALing, taking responsibility for my neglect of my M and making those changes, breaking free of co-dependency, finding happiness no matter the outcome, no new women for me... she recommended all those things. And I will be taking antidepressants. She says they can take at least 4 weeks to really start working. I didn't know that.
She had me read this aloud today and everyday from now on...
TO "LET GO" TAKES LOVE
To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.
So everything we're doing here.
And she's pro-marriage.
Another ally. That by itself was very healing.
Now all I have to do is hunker down, get better, take care of my boy, and keep going.
I can do this.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014