Vis a vis your son you are doing great. Congrats!! That's huge.

Vis a vis your w, you just let her take up WAY too much space in your head/heart.

I long for the day when her texts make NO Difference in how you feel about your life, at all.

Originally Posted By: HPoirot
Thank you Mozza. I'm really feeling embarrassed about being stuck here this after all the weeks all real trouble with my W to get to this point.

I think this is important though. I do not want to hear from her and I can't have her feeling like I'm happily tolerating her behavior and this situation by being readily accessible.

OMG!!! Still you think this! Hey, she KNOWS you are NOT happy about anything having to do with her contacts. Trust me, She knows.....she's confused and she is in a power struggle with you. Period.

You must detach. She has the trump card of "What about my son??" And you have to get a grip on how YOU react inwardly and towards her. Tell yourself this:

"SO WHAT????"

At the same time, I don't want to seem like I'm bitter or hiding from her.

But you are in fact, hiding from her....aren't you? I mean, I get the avoiding part but mostly it's b/c you cannot handle contact from her, right? Isn't that hiding?

I know that, if I'm looking like I'm detached and not caring what she's doing, then I should just answer her call, hear what she says, and then dismiss her.

^^ Yep...

From all I've learned here, it seems the right thing to do is just follow up with her with a text like "What is it?" a few hours after her text. Then just expect her to be upset again. Rinse and repeat.


Concerned again that all this keeps pushing her away. But then there's her "I'm sorry" text where she says she has ruined "our" lives. She can't possibly feel like she ruining her life though?

Yes she can...for an hour or a day...and then it gets to be too much and then she lashes out. NEXT!!

Detach...please dear God, detach.

Whatever... I know it doesn't matter what she says. I just want to have a great day today so let me finally get to it.

SHE is not stopping you.

For those who know... is her contacting me like this and expecting me to be accessible expected? Do I combat this or just learn to live with it while it lasts?

Thank you.

The latter....okay? Otherwise, you are doing great. Go love your son. Also, when you say things like HE is the reason you live or your purpose,

how about having an additional purpose like adventure, travel, helping others, creating something of lasting value, writing a novel, etc.?

It's not to diminish his importance but to show that you are NOT co-dependent and that you are not burdening him with all your needs.

What if he never has a child or wife? What if his wife leaves him? Will HE have no purpose?

Remember you are modeling a man who has a life, who ENJOYS life, who looks forward to it, and who has a lot going on in it.

Even if it doesn't always feel true, fake it til you become it.

(Have you watched those TED TALK videos about positive psychology? By Amy Cuddy and Shawn Achor....

you will get a lot out of them.)

M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
I File D 10/16
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

Embrace the Change