I don't know what this post is - vent or just musing.
Right now I'm tyring really hard at working towards getting to a place of forgiveness with STBX. I know this is critical for my kids. But one of the things I struggle with is that I don't trust that he is really doing things with the kids in mind.
He is a deputy sheriff and works 4 days on, 3 days off. He has to rebid for a schedule every 90 days and cannot work the same shift for more than 6 months. When he left, we discussed that it would be beneficial for him to try and have Mondays off, since D6 always has minimum days and this would let them spend a little quality one on one time together (weekends off are not a possibility for him right now). With his current schedule he had to ask D3s preschool to change her schedule.
Earlier in the week he was complaining that "with his luck" he wouldn't get Mondays off anymore. I have to say I immediately felt like he was just trying to smooth the way because he didn't actually want Mondays off. Then today he informed me that he would have Wednesdays Thursdays and Fridas off (day shift) and to gt Mondays off he would have to work graveyard (which he's always claimed to like doing before).
I know even speculating as to his motives is massive mind reading. It just feels like this is a schedule that is more convenient for him and OW (they would both work days). I have to get past this place of suspicion and jut deal with what is. I keep feeling that despite his protests he really doesn't want to inconvenience himself at all for his kids sake. And I hate that.
But whaddayagonnado? Get yourself worked up about something that may not be true or choose to take care of yourself and let it go?
I think I know what you've chosen.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss