Hey AD I wouldnt be too worried about your thoughts. It happens to everyone especially when stressed. Wondering if being dead would be better in times of turmoil is very normal. If it doesnt go away and u start planning on how to do it than I would worry.

And yes stop defining yourself based on what H did. You have a great life ahead. i did the same thing and it kept me stuck. I think it was fear

M 53
D 20
Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24
Together 26 yrs
Married 16
W Filed for D 7/21/11
Served 9/6/11
D final 8/28/12

“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”

John Wooden