Hi DBers. I've been busy, as usual, and getting on with life. My parents have needed help with a few medical issues, which was stressful for all of us and left my kids to their own devices more than I'd have liked. Right now they're well.
I stay centered as much as possible by making time for music and exercise, and escape to good books. I feel pretty good. So that catches me up to this week's adventure.
I joined a meetup that used to be a singles but is now a couples/singles/whatever group, and my goal was to get up the nerve to go out, all by myself, and meet some of these people at a happy hour so I can have a group of acquaintances to hear live music with. It was intimidating/fun to get out of my comfort zone and meet some new people.
But - a guy who had met me once before was there asking me very personal direct questions about my marriage, what happened and what the details of our separation are. (As a lawyer, just to be helpful, of course.) I was not prepared, and wasn't happy with how I responded. I let bitterness come out, and portrayed H pretty negatively. I would be sorry and embarrassed if my words made their way back to him. I need to work on my filter and some pat answers for people who really don't have a reason to know my personal life story.
Q: What happened? A: I honestly don't know. I think one day my H woke up and decided he didn't want to be a husband and father anymore. Q: Does he share custody? A: No, he basically only comes over if I have to go away on business. Q: How did the kids take it? A: They're mad, they can't stand him right now.
These are definitely a version of the truth, but I also know it's more complicated than that. I don't think badmouthing him does me justice. It's not who I am.
I also should have exerted better control over what questions I chose to answer in such detail. It reminds me of work I did with IC early on in my sitch (self awareness and boundaries). Apparently when out drinking with strangers, I forget.
So I'm back to the stage of realizing after-the-fact and need to work my way back up to asserting in-the-moment.
At least after this unfortunate start, I got back to the group and met a few people who I'd be glad to see at another event. I'll call it a good learning experience.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.