Had a setback last week. I admitted to padding my income so I would be able to qualify for a mortgage myself to keep the house in case we divorced. She thought I was taking income away from her on paper to benefit myself and she freaked out. It took a couple of days and showing her accounting reports to demonstrate that it was not the case - that I didn't underreport her income to overreport mine, and I think she calmed down a bit now. It was a tense couple of days, but last night seemed to be back on track - we talked and shared wine for hours. At one point she accused me of bad behaviour and asked me to fess up to something, but I have no idea what she was talking about. I have behaved badly from time to time but until I know what incident she's referring to I'm not about to start rhyming off all my missteps. Sure I've done things I'm not proud of, but mostly it's to avoid D or to deal with my hurt.
I will continue DBing and I do need to GAL. But I spend almost all my spare time with her now. Maybe I should be less available, but that goes contrary to meeting her need for quality time.
I believe her primary LL is Quality Time and her secondary LL is Words of Affirmation. Mine is Acts of Service and Physical Touch. So I'm spending as much time with her as she asks for and always building up her confidence and self-esteem whenever I can. She keeps saying that in the past she felt like she was unimportant to me. Now instead of denying that, I just tell her I'm sorry if my past behaviour made you feel that way, I have left that part of me behind and will continue now to behave in a way to make you feel that your are the most important person in my life, which you are.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014