[…] UNLESS in some bizarre way he's looking to communicate with you and just don't know how to do it, because it seems like in the beginning he was being like a child using the affair and depression to get your attention. I am clinically (diagnosed) depressed and I don't act out like that. When you didn't notice his "woe with me" the way he anticipated he turns that into rejection and projects that as hate to you. Regardless I think you are handling this with class.
At the beginning, I do belive he would do this to get a reaction out of me. Maybe I was playing the “as if” role a little too well. That’s when I realized, after reading through the threads, that maybe I’m beeingbtoo cold rather than just “lovomngly” detaching. So I found a balance. Things are better at the house since then; he does not seem as angry anymore.
Originally Posted By: LFC1170
One thing more, if it IS hate, can you think of any reason or any event in your past that made him feel this way? Did the lack of affection or emotion, admittedly shown by you, in the past affect your sex life?
He has been angry all his life really. His family history explains a lot of this anger, at least his doctor seems to think so. Broken family, abandonment issues , lack of father in his life, More recently, he’s lost his job. So yes, his anger has been there forever but I was always the one who could calm him down...now I am the one “getting it”. Our sex life did “collapse” quickly seeing that we struggled with infertility for almost two years. There where issues there, and I admit, that communication lacked which in turn affected our marriage. I know that my controlling nature and lack of “appreciation/emotion” did contribute to the breakdown of my M. These are my 180s. Vocalize or show my appreciation more; I say “thank you” and “I appreciate” a lot more to him now. He even mentioned it a few weeks ago, that “we are communicating better now”. . I am also working hard on my control issues, and learning to let things go...mediation has helped tremendously! People tell me how more relaxed I seem.
So in all, I am doing things to better myself and in turn, maybe better my relationships with others...
Me: 36 H: 36 No kids EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014 Separate bedrooms/still living together