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Why is it your job to make him food? I ask because I cant get my WAW to eat, lol. What I mean is I have offered in the past few weeks, and she turns it down. I was the cook in our house. She does not like to. I know more recently when I buy groceries, I buy what I like. [….] I was still "caretaking." ...
I agree that it is not my job to make him food. I make MY dinner and if there are leftovers (after packing my lunch), he can have them. This is my way of detaching but not coming off as cold. I do not go out of my way to do his groceries or cook his favorite meals; I just simply do things that I would do for myself normally, like cook dinner (yes, I am the cook). Seeing that he has mentioned that I was not affectionate enough, I figured that I am comfortable letting him have my leftovers (if there are any) rather than acting as if he is not there...
I said "Sure". He added, "I will be home tonight, it would be nice if I had some dinner.” I said, "Yes, sorry I misunderstood, dinner is already made for you".
In the situation above, if there were no leftovers, then he’s have a PB sandwich like most nights of the week...make sense?
Originally Posted By: D2ndday
You are not alone. I am struggling with living with my W, who goes out overnight with OM. It is one of the hardest periods of my life. Part because you are there, in the house. I have our wedding pics all over, starring at me. […] I also sit in Limbo as far as M goes. Waiting for her to decide our future. ".
Thank you! It does feel nice to know that I am not the only one out there. As for living in limbo, that is not my situation anymore. At least, I do not tell myself that. He made his choice and has not attempted to reconcile; he tells me that regardless of the OW, our marriage is over. Therefore, I take it as he wants out, so I am doing things for myself to accept his decision and be better be prepared for that day where he does leave...
Although pretty positive her family does not know about the A. […]. So, I find it interesting that they do want to make contact with you. you could interpret that a number of ways. […] In my OP, it could be a good thing. Does he also talk to them? Or in the past was he communicating with them often? I know what your plans are and what your doing should not be talked about with them as it would be similar to you telling H what your doing. But when they call what do you tell them when they ask how your doing, etc? I might suggest if you have not already, positive things you are doing. I don't think it would be good to severe that line of communication, at least not right now. I think because the future is uncertain, and the benefits or repercussions of that change are pretty uncertain.
The family knows about the affair. He called and told them the day he dropped the bomb on me. They did not take it well at the time and it was only last week that he spoke to them again (a month later). Truth is he only became closer to his family a few years after we met. He only made more frequent contact and actual visits to his mom and sister when I came into the picture. His father only came back into his life a few years ago, after a 20-year absence. I agree that I should not be spilling my guts out to his family but they call, daily, to ask how I’m doing or feeling, to tell me "I know this is hard”...i hjust don’t know how to go about telling them that I am not comfortable sharing these things with them seeing that they are HIS family..
I just want to add that I am sorry. As you said on my thread, Keep strong! I feel like the only control we have is over ourselves and what we do. Those times that are harder than the rest, your still here. Someone told me to think about how I felt when the bomb dropped. I'll tell you, I felt hopeless, but we are still here. We all made it through a bomb drop here. I mean that is part of why I keep coming back here. Everywhere else I have looked, ppl have opinions, but don't know first hand. This has been the one place, they do know. you, me, others here, know exactly how this feels, and for most, it is fresh in our minds. Just keep getting yourself back to right now, this moment. No planning, just what is next right this moment. I know I am new, and a bit wordy, lol, but I share your feelings and it hits home. [/quote]
I appreciate it! I always was the strong one, the go-getter, the planner, so this “tsunami” that hit me is not as easy to manage as I thought. I try so hard to make it seem that it’s all good and ok, that I’ll be better off but truth is I am detaching and now I’m at the phase where I miss him..like he was already gone...make sense?
Me: 36 H: 36 No kids EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014 Separate bedrooms/still living together