TA, Yes do that it will help immensely. This Forum is based upon the techniques. They don't always work but at least while this roller coaster is going on it gives some guidance.
They really help you look at yourself. The biggest thing for me was realizing that no matter what I can only control myself not what my W does. Also, that even though I had a part in my M failing it is not completely my fault. If the W choses to look outside the M for someone else that is her choice I did not push or force her into it.
And the biggest thing is no matter what happens you will be a stronger more independent person on the other side of this mess with or without your WAS. It gives the control back to YOU for YOUR life.
I have a difficult time with some of these things also you are not alone in that respect but if we can take advice from the vets and apply to our individual sitches we are much better off then if we did nothing.
I look at it this way, back in Aug and again in Oct, My W told me I know you haven't accepted this yet and I have had thoughts of D for awhile.
I told her I agree that our old M is over but I am standing for our new M. If it does not work out I will be just fine no matter what.
I know this to be true because I have worked hard on myself to become a Man that any woman would be a fool to walk away from. I am not there yet but compared to 7 months ago. Wow, do I feel different.
TBH that is why I even attempted to move back because I knew I was going to be able to handle it. Had I done it sooner I don't think I would have been able to cope as well as I am.
Also, I feel I am now ahead of the W in this respect, IMHO she has done nothing but think of the negatives of being M to me, I have gotten help where I think I need it. I am doing things again that I gave up because I was M. I am starting to do things that I have always wanted to do but didn't because I was M.
It does not change the fact that I still love my W and want to stay M to her. She has seen some of this stuff happening and has commented to me about it. Mostly in the negative because she thinks its too late and why now and not before. The answer I give is thanks for noticing that I am doing these things for myself.
When it hurts too much to see her walking around the house ignoring me I go out or I go to my room and close the door.
I try some 180's they seem to work although the 180's make me wonder if they are actually working or if the W feels some guilt and that is why she does some of the things that have changed since our S.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014