Thank you Musterseed.

Originally Posted By: mustardseed
I just wanted to point out that there is a difference between lovingly detaching and going dark (LRT).


In my case, where there is an A and OW in the picture, I would think that LRT makes more sense as opposed to lovingly detaching. But then again, given his current mental health, maybe lovingly detaching is a better option?

Originally Posted By: mustardseed
Also I wanted to clarify that being cold could push him away but so will pursuing. The last thing he wants is to feel pressured to make a choice before he is ready and chances are the one who is putting pressure on him will be the one he runs away from.


I am in no way pushy or cold, my issue is maybe that I am being to “understanding” right now…

I read many threads which discuss how to lovingly detach but then there are others who say that "tough love" is the only way to go when he is involved in an A. To me, tough love, means that I will need to be cold and distant with him. Any insight?

Originally Posted By: mustardseed
That's why you really have to let go of the need to know what will happen right now. I know it is scary, that uncertainty, but if you just trust that things will work out for the best then you can put all your attention into working in you.


I don’t know how to work on me, really. I am not sure what that all means..


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together