It is possible that the meds might be kicking in as well. I just wanted to point out that there is a difference between lovingly detaching and going dark (LRT). It is my understanding that LRT should only be employed when a is inevitable. It seems to me that S is in the table for you but he doesn't quite have one foot out the door just yet. He doesn't seem to have a plan or resources not has he taken any steps to make it happen besides telling you it is what he wants. Time is on your side right now.

He seems confused. Being cold and going dark will probably make his choice easier, but not in the way you want it to be. Stay positive, enjoy your life, and don't let him bring you down ;especially not in front if him. When I had a moment if weakness I would drive around until I felt positive again. I tried hard to only let him see me when I was happy and light.

He knows where you stand, now let it go. Stop worrying about the future (trust me this is easier said then done and better some days then others) but prepare yourself for either situation. You do this by being true to yourself. Don't go out if your way to so things for him or to be available to him but that doesn't mean you should cut yourself off from him. If he needs a ride and it is convenient for you to do so then go ahead and do it. But if you planned to do something that would make it inconvenient for you then he will need to find an alternative or wait until it is a better time for you. The more you GAL the more inconvenient it will be for you to do things for him.

Work on you. You told him you are willing to work on this if he wants to but you aren't going to beg plead or try to make things turn out your way. Now you can drop it. Let him figure things out and you work on you. The fact that he is suffering from mental illness makes it even more essential that you need to lovingly detach. He probably is incapable of working on any sort of R until he gets that under control and there is nothing you can do to make it happen. Be supportive the way a friendly neighbor would. Listen, validate, and live your own life. Don't get sucked into his right now.

My sitch is somewhat similar to yours (though no A) and we are no longer considering S, although I have come to realize that his mental state is still an issue. I changed the way I approach it and continue to detach with love but also be supportive when needed. We are beginning to really connect but it is still a work in progress. One thing I realized is that his happiness is not my fault and it isn't under my control so I have to let it go and focus on my own happiness until he gets it sorted out.


40s 2teens M14Y
BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14
BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14
EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues
Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15
D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17