When I walked in yesterday night, he was not home. However, the kitchen was clean, the dishes were out of the sink, and the dishwasher was going. I thought it was odd, but understood he was home today instead of going to school. He usually gets in a few minutes after me, so I decided to distract myself with preparing dinner rather than just watching the time tick by. He walked in half an hour later, just as I was in the kitchen making a salad. He said "hey!” I replied "hi”. I did not ask where, with who, or what he was up to (180!). He immediately explained that he didn’t not go to school this morning cause he needed to go to the hospital, he said he avoided it all day, and finally only got himself there around three (he showed me a doctor’s note and a prescription form). He said the doctor gave him pills to help him sleep and control his “anger” but did not give him any antidepressants because he wanted him evaluated by a psychologist to whom he got a referral”. I said, “I’m happy you took the first step and got help”. To which he corrected me and said, “Second step, first, was going to the clinic yesterday”. He mentioned he did not stop to pick up the drugs so I offered to drive him to the pharmacy, and he said “sure, after dinner?” We exchanged pleasantries on the way there; we picked up some things like paper tissue, toothbrushes, picked up the drugs and made our way home. It was so odd because it seemed like we were us again, like nothing did happen, and for a moment I got caught up in it...When we got back in, he went back downstairs, I watched TV upstairs, walked the dog, and went to bed...

I am trying not to lose it because he is acting like nothing is wrong, we talk, we laugh, but then I know at night he sleeps in the other room and falls asleep texting her..It is killing me! I feel that I am now making more excuses for him and trying to explain his past and present behavior, and are now wondering, can this really work? Will he see what he is doing? Will he say he wants to work at this soon? I find this self-destructive cause as I was putting all this effort and taking strides to heal the pain, I find myself backpedaling this week, mostly because it has been “nice” around the house. I need to find a way to just accept the fact that this R is over and move forward...

On another note, after some research, the drug that he was prescribed is used to treat certain mental/mood conditions (such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, sudden episodes of mania or depression associated with bipolar disorder). This medication can decrease hallucinations and improve your concentration. It helps you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less nervous, and take a more active part in everyday life. It may also improve your mood, sleep, appetite, and energy level. It can help prevent severe mood swings or decrease how often mood swings occur.” Although his family has a history of clinical depression, I did not think he was bipolar...only time would tell.

I figured that maybe I should seek some IC, or a support group , I can maybe find a way to accept this faster..


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together