Yesterday, he was home sick. He went to the doctor's and needed drugs, so he called me at work to ask if there was money in the account. He knew there was, so I said, "There should be enough money to pay for the medicine". He said, "OK, I wasn't sure". He mentioned that because he was not well that he would be home when I get in, to which I replied "ok". That is it...total 180 since I would have asked "why? Are you not ok to work? Did you call in sick?” Seeing that I told him that I was not going to help him out this weekend, I thought he was not going to talk to me at all. Therefore, I was surprised he called.

When I got home, sure enough, he was there... He asked how my day was, I said “good”. I asked how we was feeling and then he talked; I listened. He explained that the doctor told him he was not only sick but also depressed and that the doc was worried for his safety (suicidal thoughts?) and wanted to get him to a hospital fast but he refused. He said after that he came home and broke down because he now realizes that he really is depressed and it is all becoming real. He said, "Listen, I took the first step (boundary #4)" and he would follow through today to actually see a psychiatrist. He also said he was waiting for dinner to take his medication. He mentioned that he was trying to find someone else to sit in for him this weekend since he did not want me to “do anything out of my comfort zone”. I said, "OK, I'm glad you're looking after you. I don't feel like cooking anything complicated because I wanted to go out and get a library membership, so I'm just making pasta". He went back downstairs. I cooked, I ate, told him there was pasta for him and got ready to go to the library. He came up as I was leaving to ask if I could pick him up some Advil because we run out. I said, it is on my way, so I can stop.

When I came in almost 2 hrs later, he was laying on the couch, watching TV (he's never upstairs...), and said "Oh! You got some books?" “Did you want to sit on the couch?” To which I said, "No, I’m going upstairs to reads my book, the Advil is on the counter”...and never came back down

I am trying hard to distance myself. To do things cause I want to and when. I also try hard not to think about our R or the OW...so I bury my nose in books...picked up Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark and Everything you need to know about meditation. One step at a time..

My question is, am I doing this right or am I still not beeing “distant” enough? Is there anything else I can do?


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together