I found out about his affair on January 2nd. We've been married for 7 years and together for 10. Our marriage was great at the beginning; we would talk, do things together, travel, go out. Just few years ago, we decided to start a family. At the same time, my H got injured at work and is still unable to work. e is recently in school and should be finishing in a month. We struggled with infertility and debt, and eventually, pushed each other way. A few months ago, he started sleeping on the couch and I noticed his mood changed. He said he was depressed and I urged him to seek professional help. He was in the middle of exams at school, and he satrted getting busier and not come home right way. He kept saying he had a study group, and I was sure that was the case since he was in mid-terms. The holidays came and everything was just as before, but i still felt he was distant. He was still on the couch.
On January 2nd i decided I'd talk to him again, if we should seek help, and see if he was planning to see a psychiatrist for his own depression. That is when he told me he had an affair; he slept with a girl from his study group twice and said he was confused about us. She was going through a separation with her husband as well. He agreed to go to counseling to see if it could help clear his head as to what he wanted to do. The first week after that first session was awkward, as the counselor said that he should stop talking to her. He "said" he had done so and even asked his teachers to change groups. I backed off and decides to give him space, not ask any questions till our next session, which was this last Friday.
This session was different, as although he said he was still confused, he admitted that he didn't want to give our relationship a try and wanted to be with her. He insisted that he couldn't see how we can fix our relationship..so no more counseling. The next stage would be separation or divorce. Either way, I told him I am not leaving the house and he has nowhere to go either; we couldn't afford to live alone either way. My questions is, do I take the steps to divorce? Do i seek a lawyer, a real estate agent? This is overwhelming because although he said he wants out, he would never take the steps to get out and i can't live with someone who's in love with someone else, as much as i want to save this marriage. What next? I picked up DR on Friday and I'm halfway through the book but I'm uncertain how to apply the techniques when I know he wants out..is there even a chance to save this or do I just give him what he wants?


Me: 36
H: 36
No kids
EA/PA confirmed: 02-Jan-2014
Separate bedrooms/still living together