I agree. This I have learned. I blamed him for a lot. A lot that I suffered in childhood at the hands of others. I began to see some of these same things in him. I despised it and began to resent even more things that he had/had not done.
Yes, he was fed up. We were both fed up. I was happy to see him gone at first. Went NC for two months. Not even knowing at that time what NC was. When I did make contact it was through a relative of his , to give him info on how to contact the attorney i'd sought. In an effort to be fair in tjw settement agreement. He emerged from his NC and asked that I meet him to talk. I agreed, but in a public place. I did not want him at our home. This is where we were comfortable. One false move and I know the love bug would bite me and change my mind against all I'd prepped it for. He let me know he thought I was moving too fast. That je wanted to wait before doing anything like that. However, he has never mentioned that je wants to work on us. That is something this man will find far too hard to be able to verbalize. He was taught from youmg to suppress feelings and just move forward. I've learned this being as closely connected to my in laws as I am. They ALL do this.
So from that day forward he's done loads to try and show me hewants to do something. ..what though is what I don't know. When I do try and detach..he pulls even closer. I've learned through self help reading and another forum im on ,how to not react. How everything is not that serious for me to explode like I would. Im struggling with over analyzing though. That's my hard task right now.
Most confusing for me is 180. Though it may seem like he's cake eating. If I pull away to far or make myself unavailable, that's not any different than what he suffered when living at home. My moms death was hard for me. I was mama and daddy for me ,my mom and my baby sisters. My mother always seemed jealous of my successes and found delight in my short comings. Many say my husband loves me to pieces yet is intimidated by my strong personality, ability to overcome the hardest of obstacles, my social ranking amongst our friends, and my intellect. I don't see how, yet I do see some of the actions validating their accusation. He encourages me out of pure manners I feel. I can literally feel some of the tension when I do something that he'd not be able to due to aptitude or the sorts. Its ok that im doing good as long as im not doing better than him. Of that makes any sense.
I enjoy theater, museums, astrology, or anything that I can learn and grow from. A lovely night out for me would be at a wine tasting. A good night out for him would be bbq'ing until the mosquito s eat us alive and we all smell like fifty fireman from the smoke...lol. Two people who love each other, yet have forgot how to merge our differences. Something we once did seamlessly. I want to treat him with the respect a hard working, fun, fairly easy going man deserves. I taught him through all this how to act just as I was. When I was acting that way in part because he's always been there to help me out of any situation. He's never lost a close loved one. Both parents/grandparents living...did not know what I was experiencing losing my mom. I didn't lose a mother. I was my own mother. I lost a dream. I thought one day she would learn to love and accept me for me. She had a brief sudden illness and was gone in a weeks time. He knew our relationship, therefore probably couldn't understand why I was so hurt. Like I mentioned, i didn't lose a mom, i lost my dream. That's something his mind would never be able. to comprehend. I blamed him because this time out of all the times. ..he didn't rescue me. From a pain that ran so deep. Just like mama. It seemed everything he did or said reminded me of her and how she treated me. We've since talked about this. He claims to have had no clue this is what was going on with me. He thought the..baby you ok's and do you need anythings were enough. This time for me they weren't. I felt he didn't care or me nor her were of any importance to him.
Me 35/H 34 M 11/T 18 D 22 lives alone D 17 at home S 12 at home Bomb #1 01/13 He moved out