I consented to her staying in the house basically for S14 AND money AND convenience. It hasn't been awkward for me. I'm detached 99% of the time. In fact I am the honeybadger of detachment, "Honeybadger doesn't give a $hit!"

With that in mind my 180's have been all about me; we're divorced, so I'm not trying to impress anybody. You have to anticipate a future without the X, even when they linger in an arrangement such as this.

Alhough since our bank accounts are seperate now, I have infinite less stress about her and "our" money, although I still fret over me an mine. So she undoubtedly notices I don't give her any grief about that. That's a 180 for me.

In fact one of our drainfields reached the end of it's shelf life a year or so ago, and we were relegated to doing only quarter loads of laundry at a time ever since, lest the thing back up. Though the house is mine, she offered to pay for it, so I split the cost with her.

Back to the staying out all night. Sunday AM she strolls in; I'm on the computer; kids are still asleep; tells me about the GF being compped the hotel room for her work in the fundraiser, so the three stayed there, but complained that it was right near the elevators so very little sleep. Fair enough. She wasn't shagging some guy.

But this has served to teach me something. I said 99% of the time detached. Looks like the 1% got to me. But hey, It's all normal. As much as I'd like to, I can't expect to be totally free of some emotions, totally invulnerable. That ain't happening.

I know she's waiting for me to "talk". She hasn't been "out of town" in a long, long time. I think that whole EA/PA has fizzled out. Right now she's living the reality of having divorced me; probably not certain about the future. But you know, I am nowhere near allowing myself to be vulnerable again. Forgiveness is easy; it's the forgetting that I have trouble with. So... I'm still the honeybadger - for now.

Prayers, Pic.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."