Your situation sounds so similar to mine! My H is here, at the house he pays for, and only leaves when kids are asleep. How do I detach? Go dark, etc.? Is it a good thing that he can't detach yet either? Or is he just a cake-eater? What did u do?

Me 33
H 34
M 13 years
S9 S11
Bomb 1/7/13
Moved out 3/7/13