Sometimes when I am posting, I'm just venting or ranting. The talk with D17 I posted earlier was role playing, a fantasy of how I am feeling and how I feel about keeping the dirty secret.
But you know something. I've got a feeling the kids already have an idea of what's going on just from hints and comments I have let slip out and been unable to stifle.
When W went away to visit OM the weekend of 12/18, D17 was also out of town with a friend, so it was just me and S12. I asked him, "Where did mommy say she was going this weekend?" I was curious what she told the kids. S12 said she said she went to visit old friends from her time in the military. I responded, "Oh, is that what she told you?" There's a implication in that response I couldn't control. It was a half truth, W and exH did serve together.
The other morning after the fight I had with W, D17 came to the kitchen for breakfast. It was just me and her at the moment. She had overheard some of the previous night's squabble. Still hurting and angry, I couldn't control myself again; I said to her, "I'm sorry about last night, but your mother's done me wrong, real wrong." Now she could construe that one way, because W had already she wants to D me, or she could wonder if that's the only thing making pops so angry.
So I won't tell them the dirty secret.
But darn! I'v been hurting and angry so long I so enjoy watching W squirm!
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."