PIckle, I'm praying for you right now. I understand your anxiety. My H was like that .... at first I used to be so happy whenever he would start being friendly, until I noticed a pattern: the friendliness was followed in many cases by him doing something hurtful. Like when he wanted to go visit OW, he was so nice to me, even invited me out a few times for wine tasting and dinner.
At this point, I'd advice you to think of what you should or should not say if and when she talks to you. I have found that if I don't do that, I end up being reactive and screwing up and saying things I shouldn't have said.
I have seen you progressing a lot in the detachment area. The pursuing - I myself thought that I was not pursuing any more, only to find out that even my expression (maybe of longing, of expecting) was seen as pressure, which is equal to pursuing. It does seem to have a huge scope....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go