Originally Posted By: Sad_but_happy
I admire you Pickle. I have no idea how you or any other of these fine DB'ers can hold back from calling out W on PA's and EA's...
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Is this case I had to decide what would work and what would not, keeping in mind the ultimate goal of saving the M.

I tried the hard tack, but it only seemed to steel her resolve about ending the M (very pigheaded W).

First goal was to postpone D at least until after the holidays. Controlling the anger and other emotions helped.

I also had to accept the reality that I have no control over W and OM.

Then I had to come to terms with being 50% responsible for the failure of our R. Otherwise, after 18yrs how could she be so easily seduced? What kind of person would cultivate a R with another person before ending it with their spouse, certainly not the person I married?

The first month was terrible, couldn't function, emotional basket case. Second month was not much better. I'm in the third month now and more detached.

It helps that OM lives in OH, while we're in FL. I don't know what I'd do if he were within PA distance. She did visit OM one w/e in Dec for a Browns/Bengals game, but I cannot "presume" anything. It wouldn't do me any good anyway to think about it. And that has been half the battle, not torturing myself with snooping and wild imagination. It does no good and inhibits detachment.

Next goal, postpone D for another month. A few weeks ago, she told S17 that mom and dad would get D at the end of January. We'll wait and see.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."