SBH, I tell you, its hard to hold back but smetimes, what is your choice, really?
I have been on both sides - at first I let H have EA , with him acting almostjust like Pickle's W - texting, calling OW every spare minute, although the difference was that he would at times try to be nice to me, be a was being a friend - which made it a bit more bearable.
Then I tried the hard line stance- ultimatum. I did get what I wanted, but it was a huge risk. Although at that point, OW had cut off contact with H, so I was confident he wouldn't choose to leave us.
Now I think they are back in contact, and hiding. That tells me many things. One is that OW probably is reciprocating now and so the situation is more dangerous than ever. The only reason I see that H might be staying is that she does not want to lose D12. So I am not able to enforce the boundaries that I had set earlier.
So I am back in the same situation as Pickle... detaching, living each day with a roomate, not even a friend, maybe in the hopes that things will someday fizzle, pass away, hoping that each month, year that passes will make both me and D12 stronger for the day that H will leave.
Status quo is better than all the pain that divorce will bring, I figure. Think about it - lawyers, court dates, finances, childcare issues ....ugghhh! True, sometimes I feel like I have stuck my head into my as* so I won't have to deal with it, but another rationlization is that time is gold.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go