"H, I know this is hard for you to believe, but you've really helped me in my work. The things you did, they made me face reality. I was so angry at you at you at the time, but I later realized you were doing the right things. When I see these other wives acting like I did, I encourage the husbands to call them on their sh*t,
She even needed you to do it after she acknowledged it. (Testing)
Then the dams blew open. She started trying to justify what she did. She said "You are sticking to the idea that I cheated on you." I said "W, you did cheat on me." She said "I know what I did was wrong, but technically, I didn't cheat on you." I said "Yeah, you did." She said "I admit I emotionally cheated on you. I shouldn't have started anything with OM until after we were separated, but I didn't feel like we were married any more." The tired old standard argument. I said "W, the way you behaved during our last year living together was a disgrace. You enjoyed whatever benefits you wanted from our marriage, while keeping me in the dark about what was really going on."
I was getting VERY angry at this point. She started rewriting history, leading to us arguing about it. She said "I told you I didn't have hope for us, we were sleeping in separate beds most of the time. You shouldn't have held onto hope." Then she started on the whole "OM had nothing to do with it" argument. She said "Even if OM was never in the picture, we'd be right here where we are." I said "Yeah, we probably would have separated, but without all the destruction." She looked down and said "I know." Then she said "I was suicidal. OM was keeping me from the edge. What I needed you couldn't give me." I was livid, and stood up and said "Ok, I'm done" and I started walking out. She said "Please don't go." I said "Why?" She pleaded "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stay and talk." It was the first real remorse I ever saw in her. She looked sad and said "Why do you even want me anymore?"
The following day W sent me an e-mail that said she's scared. She's scared of trying, of not trying, of getting hurt again.
She wants to know if you are scared.
I was livid, and stood up and said "Ok, I'm done" and I started walking out. She said "Please don't go." I said "Why?" She pleaded "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stay and talk." It was the first real remorse I ever saw in her.
Look at the result you got. Do what works.
Yes, you are leading. Read her cues.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time