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You've been advised to sleep in your own bed/bedroom (probably THE most non-controversial, unanimous, CONSENSUS issue in all of DB-land), and to stop taking all of the blame for your marital dysfunction.
You've done neither.
This defensive, apologetic, supplicating behavior WILL NOT WORK, and it's only TURNING YOUR WIFE OFF.
If you're going to gather intel, then do it systematically, secretly and intelligently, and if you get caught it's simply "I'm trying to fight for our marriage, and I would do it again if I felt it was threatened."
Your wife smells your fear, I can assure you.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712