the stress and pain of staying and working on the M; and, the relief from stress that the constructed divorce plan provides. If you can relieve the stress of the relationship by DBing, you can make the divorce plan less compelling. Ultimately, you may even turn the R around
Google "The Stockdale Paradox."
Helped me prepare on two separate parallel paths. Work on the reconciliation while getting out in front of and dealing with a divorce.
"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time