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It's repulsive to pretty much everyone, including your wife and that's what you're doing now regardless if you know it or admit it.
What you should be doing: - go to work, get your mind off her, I know it's difficult to but you have to do it - after work, go home, spend time with your kids (don't worry about spending time with her) - if you want to cook meals for your kids, go ahead and do it, if she complains, tell her very simply "I don't need your permission to make a meal for myself and for my kids, stop analyzing everything I'm doing." - start going to the gym when you can and just get out of the house away from her and get some personal time for you, this time is specifically for YOU, not to make her feel less pressured because you're around the house and any other nonsense like that, start investing time in you - go out and do some shopping, get some new jeans, shirts, fresh kicks (sneakers), get yourself a haircut, some new style, start tanning to help improve your mood and alleviate any depression - start taking multi-vitamins, vitamin b supplements, iron, clean up your diet, maybe replace one of your meals everyday with a protein shake: clean up your insides while you're polishing up your external look - working out, eating healthier, etc. should provide you more energy to cope with this situation
After a few weeks of this routine, you should be looking & feeling better. Then you sit your wife down and tell her
"...look I get it, you don't want to be with me anymore, we've gone through this song & dance before and I'm seriously sick of it myself. I've been doing a lot of thinking and this isn't something I want anymore, I'm tired of the fighting and I don't know how I feel about you anymore. I'm not moving out of this home because this is where I want to be, and I'm going to be sleeping in the master bedroom so you should start moving your stuff out of the bedroom as well. I also think you should move out since you wanted out so badly, it will reduce the arguing and tense feelings we have walking around each other when we're home at the same time right now. If necessary I can help you pack your things and help you move out to your new place. I will pursue shared custody of the kids, 50/50, I don't plan on being a weekend dad anytime soon, we will work out a schedule that works out for both of us. I will be civil with you with regards to the kids and leave it at that, I don't require anything else from you and you will not require anything else from me. I hope you can find a new place relatively quickly to expedite this process, no sense in being somewhere you don't want to be."
And that's it.
You carry on with your daily business and you let her do whatever she wants to do and you let her go.
Seriously, the quickest way to get her back is to let her go.
No amount of a$$ kissing, supplicating her with taking on the lion's share of the household chores, working fulltime, moving out, giving her the master bedroom, taking a verbal beating from her every time you walk through a room a disturb the air around her, buying her gifts, dinners, taking her out, offering to take her out will help you. When people try too hard in these situations, they fail even harder and it's hard to recover from that because you feel like you deserve something after putting in all that effort and when you don't get it, you feel horrible.
That's it, that's your plan.
One other thing, I seriously don't want to hear how your situation is unique, how it's different from any other situations around here, because as much as you're "unique", you're also pretty damn similar to every other situation around here.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712